No Father, No Manhood
Summary of Chapter 8
No one is born a man. No one is born a father. No one is born a patriarch. Boys are born male, but manhood must be earned. A boy needs a father’s love and discipline to guide him. To become a father, you need to have been a son.
God is the first Father. When we call men "father," it's not a metaphor. It’s a reflection of God’s image. Fathers teach us to fear God. Their voices are different from mothers': deeper, commanding. Mothers comfort; fathers bring order. A father imposes discipline, and in that discipline, children find safety. His strength is not a threat to them but to the chaos outside. Without fathers, boys remain boys. They don’t know how to be men.
Fatherless boys become clueless men. They lack direction. They are destructive because they have not been shown how to be builders. Think of Will Hunting, a genius janitor who can solve any math problem but can’t solve himself. He mocks therapists until he meets Sean, who sees through him. Sean tells him, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Will knows facts but not life. He has no father, no foundation.
Fathers matter. Studies show involved fathers improve children’s lives in every way—health, education, spirituality. In Switzerland, researchers found the father’s church attendance determines whether children stay in the faith. A lukewarm father chills the house. A missing father leaves it cold.
Without fathers, society crumbles. Look at the stats: fatherless homes account for most youth suicides, dropouts, drug abuse, and crime. Fathers uphold families. Families uphold societies. Without fathers, the center does not hold.
God designed fathers to reflect His order. Jesus upholds the universe by His power; men uphold their families by the strength given to them. The collapse of our culture is due to fatherlessness. Clueless men don’t know how to be fathers because they never learned to be sons.
You can’t be a good father without being a good son. Adam was made to be a son, to take up God’s work. Fatherhood passes from generation to generation. Break the chain, and sons drift, societies decay.
But it’s not too late. God provides fathers. Many men look for teachers, not fathers. They want knowledge, not wisdom. They avoid discipline. But Scripture says, “God deals with you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not chasten?” (Hebrews 12:7-8).
Sonship isn’t theoretical. It’s practical. Paul told the Corinthians, “You have countless guides in Christ, but not many fathers.” Fathers disciple by example, not just words. You can’t learn manhood from YouTube. You learn by living under authority, under discipline.
Men today are fragile because they avoid this. They long for fathers but keep them at a distance. They want the benefits of sonship without the cost. They think they can grow without roots. But God made us embodied. Real growth requires real relationships.
Where do you find fathers? Start with the church. The church is God’s household. Pastors are spiritual fathers. They disciple men into maturity. Paul became a father to the Corinthians through the gospel, not because he was perfect, but because he was faithful.
Don’t expect perfection. There are no perfect pastors, just as there are no perfect fathers. But there are faithful ones. Find them. Submit to them. Grow.
If your local churches are weak, you have three choices: work for reformation, move to a place with a good church, or help plant one. Sitting at home isn’t an option. Complaining isn’t an option. Get to work.
God’s design isn’t optional. The internet can guide you, but it can’t father you. Only real, embodied relationships can do that. Find a church. Submit to it. Grow up. That’s the way.
Questions for Reflection
How has your relationship with your father shaped your view of what it means to be a man?
What real-life relationships are helping you grow and become a better person?
How are you allowing church leaders to guide and challenge you in your growth?