The Excellence of Marriage
Summary of Chapter 14
A man finds a wife and gains favor from the Lord. She is not the mission, but she multiplies it. She is the second rail beside fraternity, keeping a man steady if she is true. A good wife strengthens; a bad one consumes. Only together can man and woman fulfill the creation mandate.
Proverbs speaks of two women: Lady Wisdom and Lady Folly. Lady Wisdom builds her house; Lady Folly tears it down. Lady Wisdom is rare, virtuous, the crown of her husband. Lady Folly is common, seductive, leading men to ruin. A man must not give his strength to any woman but to the right woman—one who refines, multiplies, and glorifies his efforts.
A man supplies; a woman refines. He brings raw materials; she returns them with greater value. His seed, her child. His house, her home. This is the rhythm of creation. But the instinct to give strength can lead a man astray if unchecked. A man must discern: not every woman is worthy of his strength.
Many men fall. They chase women instead of excellence. They marry before knowing manhood. Without fathers and brothers, they default to instinct, seeking validation through women. This neediness repels. A man must have a mission before he seeks a wife. She complements the mission; she is not the mission.
Adam had a mission before Eve. God made him to work and keep the garden, then gave him a helper fit for him. The mission came first. A woman desires a man with purpose, a man going somewhere. If a man’s purpose is a woman, he leads her nowhere.
Men fail when they expect a wife to complete them. She completes the mission, not the man. A man without a mission is lost, and a marriage without a mission collapses. Gravitas attracts both men and women. Fraternity shapes a man; mission defines him. A woman joins the mission, not replaces it.
Culture teaches the opposite. Songs, movies, and stories glorify the pursuit of a woman as the ultimate goal. This is folly. A man must chase excellence, not women. He must be kind and humble but driven. A driven man draws the right woman—one who wants to help build, not be the center.
Before dating Emily, Michael said, “I feel called to the ministry. I’ll be hated, poor, and away often. If that’s a problem, this won’t work.” That was twenty years ago. He stayed on mission. He got the girl.
A man doesn’t need a wife to be complete. He needs a wife to complete his mission. If he doesn’t know his mission, he can’t know if she fits. Mission first. A good wife will find a man on mission attractive. She wants to join something greater than herself.
A man leads where he knows the way. His mission isn’t to find a wife; it’s to fulfill his calling. A wife complements that. She is a blessing, a crown, not the goal. Men, prepare your field before building your house. Chase excellence, not women. The rest will follow.
Questions for Reflection
How does the distinction between pursuing a woman versus pursuing excellence shape a man's personal growth and leadership?
What qualities define a woman who 'multiplies' a man's mission, and how can a man recognize these traits in a potential wife?
How can men balance the pursuit of their mission with cultivating a strong, supportive marriage without losing sight of either?